Another Visit To The Home Today (More nursing home drama)

06-08-2012 at 10:39 PM 

My visit to “the home” today was different than it had been in a while. We chose to go after a mealtime when my grandmother would be well rested from a sizeable meal, although she eats very little, and in a place where we could visit her without interruptions. It was a perfect time to visit because she was resting in her room and we had only one interruption.

We walked into her room to find her body sprawled out across her twin size bed. She was lying on her back with her arms and legs spread eagle and her head turned towards the door. Her eyes looked heavy and were closed and her mouth was open. My mother commented on how horrible it was to see her like this. Thank goodness she was only sleeping. My mother took her hand and my grandmother almost jumped out of her bed she was startled although thrilled to see us. She stuttered as she sputtered my mothers’ name out of her mouth. “B..b..b..bob…bob…Bobbie!” Her eyes lit up and she wore a smile from ear to ear. When the excitement was over the first thing she said in an agitated voice, “where am I going?” We reminded her that she was sleeping and we woke her up from her nap. “I don’t need a nap,” she said as she flung her right hand behind her as if she was shewing a fly away from her face. Is ‘shewing’ even a word?

Anyway, my grandmother started up with, “I want to go home.” She repeated herself several times until I decided to set things straight with her once and for all. I took her hand in mine and held it lovingly and proceeded to tell her a little story.

I said, “Bubie”, that’s what I call her which means grandmother in Yiddish, “Bubie, you are retired and before you retired you worked so hard at your department store day in and day out and when you weren’t at the store you were at home cooking or baking for your family. When you retired you decided to move into this lovely retirement home. You have your own room and your own chef who cooks all of your meals for you. You get your hair done at the beauty shop every Friday just like you did before you retired. And, you have people who clean your home for you. You get to play Bingo and watch tv whenever you want. You have earned it.” She smiled and seemed satisfied with the truth and started to converse with her great-grandson who was hiding behind her bed from an old lady who was trying to get his attention. She saw my son and started to talk baby talk to him and he ran the other way to hide. A staff member came and took her away. My son lied down next to his great-grandmother and held her and told her how much he loves her.

We continued to distract her until she said how tired she was. We insisted she lay down for a nap but she didn’t want us to leave and asked when we would be back. I knew she would forget about this visit only seconds after we left and I couldn’t leave her in an agitated state so I told her we would be back. It’s true, we would be back, just not the same day. She asked me why I was leaving and I told her I had to take my mother home. She asked again if I would be back and I told her I would. She smiled and lied back down. Hopefully into a restful and satisfying sleep.

I would not have ordinarily told her I would do something if I wasn’t going to do it but I have learned through the process of caring for my grandmother how to handle her in her element her element being the mind dementia or Alzheimers. But, it made her happy in real time and that is what’s most important for someone who is at the end of their life and living day to day with the illness such as this. At least, this is my opinion.