Thanksgiving Dinner with Bubie..................More Nursing Home Drama

11-25-2012 at 05:42 PM 

Most were together for the Thanksgiving holiday. My uncle and cousins and their kids came in from out of town for the long weekend. Happy to see everyone we had our usual family get together with appetizers like gourmet cheeses and crackers and Bubies’ favorite chopped liver and rye bread. There was a good selection of wine and drinks to select from. Dinner was the typical Thanksgiving feast of turkey, stuffing, homemade cranberry sauce, and sweet potatoes with slightly burnt marshmallows on top. It was a Thanksgiving to remember because this will, unless a miracle happens, be my grandmothers’ last.

She was in a grand mood at the beginning of the evening and when it began to get dark outside Sundowners Syndrome started to set in. Sundowners can be a time of increased memory loss, confusion, agitation, and even anger in those that suffer from dementia when the sun goes down. My grandmother was tired and constantly looking for a comfortable position in the contemporary chair she was sitting in. There was no comfortable position to find in this type of chair. We wanted to her to eat something before she went back to “the home” but she insisted she just wanted to sleep. It was best to take her back to a familiar environment although nobody wants to get used to the surroundings of a nursing home. Familiarity can help a person who is experiencing a Sundowners episode. So, she left but not before I had a chance to take pictures.

During my visit to the nursing home today I found her sitting in her room in her wheelchair without her feet holders or whatever those things are called. She fell the other day trying to get from one chair to another and perhaps if her feet were held up and in a more comfortable position it may not be as easy for her to move out of her chair. They are not supposed to leave her in her chair while alone. The head nurse is the one who left her like that. I know that because she told me she had just come from her room. My grandmother had been complaining that she didn’t feel good. Her stomach was bothering her and on top of that she was hungry and looking for something to eat. I wheeled her into the dining room as it was almost time for lunch and got her some crackers to eat. I had to leave her there because my son was getting bored and starting to run amuck so I had to remove him from the room. I hated to leave her there and after such a short amount of time but I knew her immediate needs were being met. Her lunch was soon to follow.

I have completely lost trust in the nursing home staff. I have learned that unless you are standing over them the staff will not go out of their way to help your loved ones. They have enough staff to run a wing according to state laws but no more than are required. Wouldn’t it be nice if such a nursing home existed where the people that worked there loved working with geriatric patients, loved what they do, and could put themselves in the shoes of the elderly that they take care of? And, the people who ran the home made sure they had enough staff to care for the amount of people they allow live under their roof? A lot of these people who live in my grandmothers’ nursing home are paying their own way including my grandmother. Shouldn’t they get what they pay for?

I know a lot of people may think that if you want your loved one taken care of properly to let them live with a loved one who can supervise their care BUT it doesn’t work that way unless you have a million dollars or more to hire care around the clock, have the appropriate medical equipment nearby, and put surveillance cameras in every corner of the home. And, even that won’t cut it. You don’t want your loved one to be alone when you’re at work or out living your life. At least while in a nursing home or care facility they are around other people and the nursing home is fully equipped to handle emergency situations right there on the premises.

Will this ever change? What will it take to make a change in the way our loved ones are cared for in nursing homes or care facilities? I’m listening……………..

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