More Nursing Home Drama-A Geriatric Confrontation

02-26-2012 at 11:40 AM 

My visit to "the home" yesterday was not at all uneventful. It never is. Although I have never witnessed the almost humorous event that took place during any of my visits to any nursing home that I have ever been too. This one is worth writing about because it is just another side of the coin when it comes to people with dementia or Alzheimer's Disease.

When we visit my grandmother we always bring a snack for her to eat. She always seems to be hungry around the time of our visits. This visit we brought her three cookies. Two for her and one for her to give to my son of 4 years. I know it gives her great satisfaction to be able to "break bread" with and provide for her kids as she did for so many years when I was growing up. Why, she was "Suzy Homemaker" and one of her best skills was cooking and baking. She always had something good to eat when you went to her house. Being the grandmother I guess she felt the responsibility of spoiling her grandchildren and giving them the things they couldn't have at home. Unfortunately for some of us it didn't benefit our weight as children. But, I digress.

Because of her age and because of her existing health problems I feel the need to return the favor to her and spoil her with what she likes the most. Carbs and sweets. It may be a hereditary thing that I wish I did not inherit and with that I understand the cravings. But, she loves her carbs and because of the special bond and relationship that I have always had with her, arguments disagreements and all, I want to give her what she wants especially in her last days on earth. It is no secret that she will leave us one day and according to doctors that day will come within a year. Doctors have been wrong before but what kind of life do you have in a nursing home? Read all of my nursing home blogs and find out. Again, I digress.

She was happy to see us. We sat down in the community room along with other residents who were sitting around pretending to watch a basketball game on the big screen tv. Of course when a young child enters the room all heads turn. They all try to get his attention and one old lady approaches him everytime and speaks to him as if he is an infant cradled in his mothers arms. This old lady also carries a doll around with her and talks to it. My son ignores them all and focuses on his great-grandmother who has cookies. Of course she offers him one and keeps two for herself. A new resident was sitting across from us eying my grandmothers' cookies and said in a very sincere tone, "Can I have one of your cookies?" My grandmother looked down at her cookies with a disgusted look on her face and said she wasn't going to give her cookies to anyone. I noticed the old lady wouldn't take her eyes off of those cookies. I guessed "cookie" was the magic word to get the conversations started amongst the elderly because everybody was talking about how hungry they were. One lady was telling another lady that she wanted to catch a ride with her to get a bite to eat. Another lady was asking when dinnertime was. It was clear that everybody had food on their mind and seemed to be hungry. I naturally felt bad for them and wished I could have given all of them a cookie but it wasn't my place and there is no telling what kind of dietary restrictions they might have. The old lady continued to observe my grandmother eating her cookie and noticed she wrapped the other one in a napkin and lay it down on her walkers' seat. She proceeded to ask my grandmother for a cookie and when my grandmother said "no", the lady, as gracefully as one can be who uses a walker, stood up. I didn't know what she was going to do. Her voice was getting more and more aggressive as she, what seemed to be, beg for the cookie. I sat back in my chair ready for anything.

The old lady took her walker and walked the few steps it took to get to my grandmother where she sat in a chair next to me. The old lady became the center of attention in the room but only by other residents. As usual there were no staff around to witness what was about to take place. "I only want one cookie not two", the old lady said with agitation in her voice. My grandmother cowered as if she were a little girl protecting something cupped in her hands. She reached for the cookie sitting on her walkers' seat and protected it too. There was a geriatric confrontation going on here.

"I just want one cookie that's all. Please give me a cookie", the old lady said as her voice rose to a demanding tone.
"No. Get away from me!", my grandmother yelped back.
The old lady backed off. I knew my grandmother was physically weak but her personality and will were as sharp as a razor could cut through aluminum.

I asked the old lady if she was allowed to have sugar and her response was a definite "Sure" without any hesitation. But, I stuck with my gut and did not offer her any of the cookies I had in my car simply because I did not know of her dietary restriction. I did, however, offer to give my grandmother some cookies if she chose to hand them out to her friends. Something the staff couldn't stop since they were never around. She declined my offer. Nobody got any cookies.

Finally the staff showed up and began taking the residents to the dining area to get them ready for dinner. I was relieved. I felt bad for them being hungry as they were. I wish I could have the ability and permission to give them all special snacks when I visit my grandmother. I rarely see family members by their sides as I am with my grandmother. I guess it makes her feel special.