05-31-2012 at 08:28 PM
Every time I sit down to write my blog about my visits to the
nursing home and with my grandmother I have to think long and hard how
to convey in writing about the environment I am in during my visits.
Even more challenging is to find the right words to describe the
emotions that come from my visits I am confident are shared by all those
that visit their loved ones in a nursing home. It has only been lately
that I cannot just sit down after a visit and write. I must wait a few
days to allow myself to forget about the experience along with the sad
truth that this may one day be me. The word “nursing home” is
depressing in it’s own right and for many will be their last stop.
So, here I am sitting in front of my computer forcing myself to remember
my last visit at the home. The only pleasure I get from this is
remembering my visit directly with my grandmother. Those are memories I
will always want to remind myself of. The memories I do not want to
have are those of what goes on around us during our visits.
For example this last visit a series of events were going on at the same
time. I came with my mother and two kids. As we are sitting in the
dining room with my grandmother at her table the room is filled with
residents eating lunch at their tables covered in red table clothes.
The lady who sits with my grandmother who relies on an oxygen tank
wherever she rolls was mixing with a spoon what appeared to be a plate
full of gravy. At the same time she was engaged in conversation with
someone we couldn’t see.
Another old lady with dark skin and a braid in her hair was carrying a
plate of food covered with a napkin claiming it to be for her mother.
An old man sitting at a table appeared to be wiping the table but I
suspected by the looks of it that he had a bad case of the shakes with a
napkin in his hand. He happened to be waving the napkin above the
table and as far as he could reach.
Another old lady sitting at a table next to an aid was playing drums
with her fork and knife and would hit the two against each other at
times. When the aid tried to gain control of the knife the old lady
took a swipe at her barely missing her arm. The old lady yelled, “No!
Leave me alone! You can’t have it!” It continued, “No! No! No!” The
aid backed off.
And then there was my grandmother who wrapped a piece of chocolate cake
with chocolate icing in a small paper napkin. She then stuffed it in
her pocket.
After my grandmother moved into the facility I giggled when I saw
someone do something out of the ordinary that was funny and innocent.
It’s not funny anymore but remains innocent.
The old people that reside in this home and in this particular wing is
how people behave when they develop the conditions that confine them
psychologically. While they all seem to degenerate in some fashion some
of them seem to revert back to their childhood. And, there are those
that do things that would be embarrassing if it mattered.
I have learned the best way to communicate with these people is to only
respond to them if spoken to and respond in the manner in which they
address you. A good example would be my grandmother who is always
asking me if I have seen her parents. My old response would have been
to remind her that they are dead but not anymore. To keep the peace and
the calm the best way to respond is to simply say, “No, I haven’t.”
And, when she asks me for a ride to see them my response is, “Not right
now, maybe later.” I don’t know where she thinks she is or what year it
is in her mind but these responses keep her happy and peaceful. And,
she will have forgotten asking me less than a minute after I answer her.
If you are in a similar situation I hope you find my blog helpful and
informative. Know that you are not alone no matter what problem you may
have to face and there is always someone else who has walked a day in
your shoes. Know that there are many solutions to the same problem.
And, know that there are people out there who really care and want to
share their experiences for others’ to benefit from. This is what
Chatergy is all about.
I know my plans to visit my grandmother will continue but I do not look
forward to my visits as a result of the element I enter as I walk
through the doors of the Alzheimer’s wing.
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