Nursing Home Blues

12-26-2011 at 11:15 AM

I walked into the nursing home where my grandmother lives. It's Christmas day and I noticed most of the residents were present and sitting ALONE on a holiday when families get together, take pictures, and break bread. As we walked through the hallways of the nursing home I saw with my own eyes the reason why people cringe at the thought of putting a loved one in a nursing home.

In my mind when I hear the phrase "nursing home" I think of old people, smelly, and death. This is all based on my experience visiting my great grandmother in a nursing home when I was 8. I remember a large woman with black hair who used a walker. Every time I saw her I stayed away from her as best as I could. I don't know why other than the fact that she scared me. Every time I was told we were going to visit my great grandmother I felt nervous. My fear was trying to get from one end of the room to the other without getting close to the woman with the black hair. This is my only memory of a nursing home and thank goodness the only time I had to visit one.

I did not expect to see a house full of residents on Christmas day. I expected to see visitors crowding the hallways or a majority of the residents gone from the home visiting with their families. This was not the case. Wheelchairs and walkers crowded the never ending hallways of the nursing home. The majority of the people that occupied the wheelchairs were sound asleep with their mouth hanging open wide as though they were trying to capture every bit of oxygen they possibly could but even I have been caught sleeping with my mouth open. The sad thing about it was that it was during the day on Christmas. I heard one resident calling out as loud as she can, "can someone help me?", as she sat in her wheelchair just a few feet away from me. A nurse approached her and said, "Merry Christmas" and had to repeat herself a few times so the old lady could hear her. When she finally did hear her the old lady asked, "already?" I found out this old lady was 106 years old. She had never married or had children. I wondered if she ever had any visitors from her extended family. It would be realistic to think she had outlived her generation and the next.

As we were passing through the long hallways one lady looked at my grandmother and said in her old frail voice, "I know you." We stopped and identified the old lady as one of my grandmothers first cousins. It was a brief short reunion. What was nice about it was my grandmothers nurse knows who her cousin is and can help in reconnecting them in the future. Although they live on different wings it was nice to know another family member lives at the home.

Down the hall from my grandmothers room we heard a lady yelling from her doorway, "is anyone going to help me!?" After several attempts to get someone's attention she finally gave up and said in a very angry tone, "the hell with you!" and slammed her door.

Of course it is safe to say they were short staffed on this holiday and I wished it would have been appropriate for me to step in and help out. It was not my place to do that. I felt bad for the old people who should more appropriately be referred to as men and woman who once had a life and thrived.

My grandmother was hungry and she asked some of the staff when the next meal was. It wasn't for another hour and nobody offered her a snack. So, my mother, my kids and husband and I took my grandmother through the never ending winding halls to the entrance of the facility where they had a help-yourself ice cream parlor. Once we arrived the lights were off and the door was locked but that wasn't going to stop us from having our own party. Once we found someone to open the door we helped ourselves to ice cream and popsicles. I put myself in an imaginary setting where I saw my grandmother taking my kids out for ice cream like she and my grandfather used to do with me and my siblings. A nice time was had by all and the pictures I took will keep the memory alive.
Once the door was open and people saw us enjoying ourselves other family members of residents were coming in and getting ice cream for their loved one. I felt it added some excitement and special moments to the lives of those that were sharing their special holiday together as little as it was.

My final thoughts of my visit from this day were depressing. During my visits I often point out to the staff, more for the sake of my grandmother, that she was once a thriving business woman who knew her way around a kitchen. I feel it's important that people remember that the old people that sit in the chairs with their mouths hanging open or those that yell through the hallways looking for help were once young, thriving, and living their lives. They were mothers who took care of their children, wives that kept their husbands going, and teachers that taught us what we know today. They were doctors and lawyers and entrepreneurs. They were running our world, learned from their mistakes, and shared their wisdom with their children and grandchildren.

We cannot forget that these old people will one day be gone and we will be there in their place. How will you want to be treated and viewed by others?