The Hard Truth............More Nursing Home Drama

11-18-2012 at 04:57 PM 

We just learned of a diagnosis and prognosis of my grandmothers' condition. She has myelofibrosis scarring, a rare disease of the bone marrow. I can get into more detail about it but at this juncture it doesn't really matter. This could be what is causing many of her systems including behavior and pain. The doctors say she has up to 3 months to live. I don't think she will last that long. She is weak, complaining of stomach pains, wants to sleep all the time, and constantly wanting to "go home" to be with her mother and father. When I heard this I felt a small panic of needing to do and say things before she is gone. I know it will be over before I know it and I want to have as much time with her as I possibly can.

On a brighter note when I went to visit her on Friday, unlike the day before, she was cherry, happy to see me and my son, and hungry. Who was she and what did she do with my grandmother! She was looking for whatever food she could get her hands on. She was playing with my son and trying to tickle him and was in a great mood. She still looked for her mother and father but I knew she was alright when she complained about a lady sitting nearby us who was talking to herself. She looked at the lady and then looked at me giving me the "she's crazy look." It was actually pretty funny because my grandmother doesn't recognize her own senility but comments on others'.

Saturday when I went to visit her she had reverted back to being sad, feeling lost, and wanting to go home. She had a few choice words for me like "if you don't take me home I will die" and "I thought you were my friend. Why won't you take me home?" Then she would look at me the next minute and say, "I love you." I tried to hold back the tears and was speechless. I know she doesn't realize what she is saying or how she is making me feel and it's the "disease" causing her to act this way but it still hurts nonetheless. What hurts more is seeing her like this and not being able to do anything about it.

Sunday, today, my entire family came for a visit and at first she was in a good mood but shortly changed into the sad and lost grandmother looking for her way home.

The truth that there is nothing and I mean nothing, I can't stress it anymore than this, I or anybody else can say or do to calm her down. I took her for a walk and all she wanted to do was find my car so I can "take her home." When she expressed her desire to see her parents I told her they were with us she knew I was full of it and when I told her that her mother had died years ago she got mad at me and yelled at me for telling her such a horrible thing. I have tried everything and if someone who reads this has a solution please call the Inquirer. What helps calm her down is to give her an anti anxiety pill. And, this is what we had to do on this day. Shortly after it kicked in my Aunt and Uncle showed up with one of her favorite snacks, blinze, a thin pancake rolled with cheese or fruit on the inside.

I think my 6 year old son put it best, "I think Bubie wants to go home to be with Zeda Nelson." Zeda is his great grandfather who is in heaven.

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